When Life Gives Lemons, Make Lemonade

Jan 28 , 2023
By Carolyn Kissane

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I spotted this woman who was standing by herself at a"small" wedding ceremony I had a chance to attend, exclusive to close family and friends. She did not precisely seem into the whole shenanigan. The bride's relatives kept nudging her to join them, but she refused and lurked at the back. I kept watching her from across the hall, wondering why she looked unhappy. Then a few minutes later, I saw someone in my family talking to her, so I walked to them out of curiosity and said hello.

My relative introduced me to the lady as the bride’s aunt. We started talking about the bride and groom and how they had known each other since they were kids. On the spur of the moment, the lady burst into tears. I did not comprehend what was wrong with her, and I was afraid to ask lest I seem nosey, so I said, "Ayzosh", an Amharic word roughly translates to mean, "it's okay".

She sobbed and said she was not fond of weddings because they reminded her of her failed marriage. The only reason why she came to the wedding was to support her niece. That explained why her relatives constantly tried to make her join the crowd. She went mute for a few minutes but started pouring her heart out once it was just the two of us. I was dumbfounded by what she said. It caused me to ruminate for days and I hope her story will inspire others in a similar situation.

Her 10-year marriage had conceived four children before it blew like dust in the wind. One day her husband resolved he had fallen out of love and left her for a younger woman. She did not go to work for almost a month, sending her children to her sister's and locking herself at home, crying and drinking to numb the pain until she passed out. As she mindlessly scrolled through her social media, she came across a post that changed her life.

The person who posted the story was an old friend and a classmate talking about the heartbreak she experienced after her husband left her. She had an epiphany, her husband leaving her did not make her less valuable or less of a woman. Her worth was not determined by anybody but herself.

The post-divorce era is not as easy for women as they may believe they no longer have value in the world of dating. The body alterations after giving birth take a toll and a while to adapt.  Getting discouraged by the perception of the current beauty standards, some associate their worth with having an hourglass figure. When the marriage fails, women left with kids, bills, and stretch marks believe they are no longer desired.

They tend to regret their decision while picking their partners and blame themselves. But with a woman’s strength, anything is possible. A little self-care goes a long way to reaching the desired goal by making dietary changes, exercising and some skincare routines. Starting a relationship with kids will be challenging, but it is not impossible with the right person.

The social media post about how the old friend stopped feeling like a victim and regained control of her life, made the woman hanker for similar changes.

It was not easy, but she onset the road to healing. She started off by cutting alcohol from her life, complementing it with yoga and cooking classes. She confessed she still thinks about her husband and wonders what she could have done differently to save the marriage. She also occasionally cries, looking at her son, the younger version of his father. Although she still avoids weddings and many social gatherings, she admitted to slowly finding peace within herself and the journey to self-healing.

She mentioned not having regrets about marrying because, with the feeling, information and knowledge at the time, it was the right thing to do. She no longer feels like she has wasted her time seeing the decade bestowed on her four beautiful children that she adores. She continues to work on herself, hoping to find the right life partner.

Sometimes, bad things happen to prepare us for something good. The periods we refer to as mistakes in life are just lessons learned the hard way contributing to making us the better version of ourselves.

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PUBLISHED ON Jan 28,2023 [ VOL 23 , NO 1187]

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