Choosing to Lift Up in a Judgmental World

Nov 30 , 2024
By Eden Sahle

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I recently spoke with someone deeply stressed by complex family matters. Her worries had severely impacted her health and strained her relationships. She confessed to losing control of her temper, which flared up in almost every interaction with her husband, coworkers, and close friends. I experienced it firsthand during our talk, which prompted me to ask if she was okay.

While her struggles seem visible, others quickly judge her behaviour without understanding the cause. Most assumed that her professional success and achievements had gone to her head. Friends distanced themselves without offering the benefit of the doubt. Her spouse dismissed the impact her family crises had on her mental and emotional state. He urged her to "just forget it and move on," failing to recognise how deeply these issues affected her.

Passing judgment on others is easy. But, pausing to consider their journey is what helps us understand. Listening to others’ stories has taught me that everyone carries a burden. I try to avoid hasty generalisation based on surface observations and try to figure out where other people are coming from. This shift transforms our perspective. In a society overflowing with criticism and fault-finding, what we need now more than ever are lifters: people who encourage and support, even when they do not fully understand the struggles of others.

Everyone carries a set of experiences, usually marred with pain and sorrow, that shape their actions. The person losing their temper in a public service office might be weighed down by financial struggles or an exhausting night caring for a loved one. The withdrawn colleague might be grieving or dealing with health issues. Even those who seem to have it all together might be silently fighting battles. Without knowing these details, our judgments are incomplete at best and unfair at worst.

Assuming we would behave differently in someone's situation ignores the role of environment, trauma, and stress in shaping behaviour. Empathy reminds us that we can never fully understand another's choice until we have lived their reality.

Criticism cultivates negativity and perpetuates cycles of distrust and disconnection. It narrows our perspective, blinds us to the complexity of human behaviour, and isolates us from genuine connection. Worse, judgment usually leads to labelling, reducing someone to a single mistake or trait and ignoring the multifaceted person they truly are.

Encouragement, on the other hand, has the power to lift people. It instils confidence, helping others navigate their circumstances with strength. It is far from ignoring flaws or pretending difficulties do not exist; it is about recognising humanity in its rawest form and choosing to focus on hope and potential.

Listening with curiosity instead of making assumptions deepens our understanding of others and allows us to offer meaningful support. Most of our surroundings are filled with voices tearing others down.

Choosing not to judge does not mean suppressing opinions. It is about shifting perspective and approaching others with empathy. Letting go of judgment frees us from negativity, opening the door to deeper relationships and a stronger sense of purpose. But it requires intentional effort. Consistently choosing empathy requires us to prioritise understanding over criticism.

The next time we are tempted to judge, it is better to pause and try to walk in others' shoes. Instead of fault-finding, offer a kind word, a listening ear, or a simple smile.

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PUBLISHED ON Nov 30,2024 [ VOL 25 , NO 1283]

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