Somethings Must Come between Friendships

Sep 17 , 2022
By Eden Sahle

I recently received a call from a friend that lives abroad. Although we had been friends for several years after she left Ethiopia, I stopped calling her as I used to because of the many changes in my life.

Her call and the topic she was discussing came as a surprise. She thought I was distancing myself because of her political outlook and what she shared on social media. I had not even gotten a chance to look at the latter in the first place. As she spoke, I went to her social media page to check what she had posted. I was shocked to learn that she had been instigating violence, hate, and crime.

I explained that I was not distancing myself because of her posts because I spend all my free time with my husband. Then I confronted her about her posts, where she called for genocide. She strongly defended her stand and affirmed that certain members of "society must be eliminated because she hates them, and they are no good.”

She tried to talk me into her view of the world, and when that did not work, insisted that her political views should not come between our friendships. I did not buy it.

I was speechless, thinking how the kind young woman I knew turned out to be so cruel. Married and a mother herself, she was willing to give up everything she had to see those she considers “enemies to society vanish from the earth." I had to end our friendship because we came to have a significant difference in core values.

We have all kinds of people in our lives. Some hate others and others are filled with gratitude in all ups and downs of life and kind to others as they know all of us are dignified humans. The latter always create a lasting impact in our lives.

I have had the opportunity to connect with people in school, at work and at social gatherings. Listening to them brings so much enlightenment and knowledge. Unlike the common expectation, these people are not privileged. Many of them came from disadvantaged backgrounds and challenging circumstances but it did not stop them from transforming their lives and those around them.

I have also met individuals like my former friend that I had to part ways with even if we did not fight. They are unkind to others and think they are perfect and know everything. They hate others, searching for a reason to justify their hostile attitude. They see life as something that needs to be led by criticising and disregarding others. They were not interested in sacrifices to discover what they wanted to do in life.

When our friendship failed, many of them were angry with me, saying I was not grateful for their affection and respect. They did not understand how they were leading their lives could come between our friendship. They did not comprehend why I was offended by how they mistreated and hated others while they were nice to me. Such connections that seem harmless are damaging and destructive in the long run, draining the goodness we have for ourselves and others.

I wanted to escape the negative influence such friendship brought me. Respectfully ending such company allowed me not just to detox but to focus on those who project positive value. I like people who have compassion for others and understand others are humans who have dreams and life plans just like they do.

Spending time with those with vision and purpose in life taught me how to convert a mess into a lesson. Their drive, focus, and commitment are infectious. Learning from their experience became the inexhaustible lifetime lesson I followed along the challenging path of life.

It refines the wishes I plan to attend to in life and the importance of walking away from negative influence. People who impact others for the better know that they are not perfect. They understand they have limitations and gaps to fill by learning from others.

They understand the power and value of friendship and connections. They relate well with others and build mutually supportive relationships that catapult both parties to something valuable. They know that positive, supportive, and authentic relationships are the foundational building blocks to anything and everything they want to achieve.

Friendships are built based on common values and goals. What we tell and hear has a major impact on our mindset and life. One way of protecting our minds is spending time with those who understand the value of humanity and fill us with goodwill.

PUBLISHED ON Sep 17,2022 [ VOL 23 , NO 1168]

Eden Sahle is founder and CEO of Yada Technology Plc. She has studied law with a focus on international economic law. She can be reached at

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