
Editorial | May 27,2023
Oct 7 , 2023
By Kidist Yidnekachew
I sometimes scream in silence, yearning to be unapologetically myself, but end up putting a mask on. It imposes a huge burden at times. Perhaps resorting to writing was my way to blow off steam.
I often kept from speaking my mind for as long as I can remember, worrying how my reaction would affect others.
"Don't protect me from the truth," someone once told me, "your job is to tell the truth, and how I react after is not yours to worry about."
It was an advice that stuck with me for a long time. Although I was afraid of making people feel a certain way, I learned that I am not responsible for the emotions of others but mine. I love being the reason why people are feeling good, especially those close to me. But I constantly have to remind myself that I am not pizza and cannot make everyone happy.
People pleasers may go to great lengths to avoid conflict or disapproval. However, the guilt and anxiety eventually become exhausting.
My way of pleasing is constantly walking on eggshells, afraid to shatter someone's self-esteem with my words. Once, I walked a long distance to deliver an item for a friend in the sunlit Addis. Although I was tired and hungry, I did not want to disappoint my friend. But when I later explained the whole situation to her, she expressed that she would not have minded to collect it herself or send someone.
Suppressing my true thoughts and opinions has become second nature to me. But I felt a pang of guilt as I realised that my friend would have understood if I had just been honest. I had put unnecessary pressure on myself, assuming that disappointing her was the worst outcome.
It has made me curious about the reasons for servility. The act of constantly seeking validation and approval from others often stems from a fear of rejection and a desire to avoid conflict.
While there is nothing wrong with wanting to make others happy, people-pleasing can become detrimental to one's own well-being and authenticity. It can lead to a lack of boundaries, difficulty in making decisions, and a tendency to suppress own needs and desires.
Such people may have a deep-seated fear of being rejected or abandoned deeply rooted in childhood experiences, such as having been raised by critical or demanding parents.
People with low self-esteem can also become people pleasers, believing that they are not worthy of love or respect and that they must earn it by pleasing others. A number of factors, such as childhood trauma, bullying, or abuse, maybe the cause.
Over-accommodators may have a strong need for approval from others. They may feel that their self-worth is dependent on the opinions of others. They have a low tolerance for conflict and, hence, may go to great lengths to avoid disagreements or arguments.
While it may not seem harmful on the surface, the consequences are detrimental.
The constant need to seek validation and approval from others can take a toll on the mental well-being of people pleasers- constantly stressed and anxious, always striving to meet the expectations of others. This self-sacrificing behaviour can also hinder personal growth and prevent individuals from pursuing their own goals and ambitions.
They may find themselves in situations that conflict with their own values and desires, creating a cycle of dependency where they feel trapped and unable to assert their own needs and boundaries. In the long run, it can be harmful to one's overall happiness and fulfilment in life.
Fortunately, it is not a permanent condition. There are remedies available to address this issue.
I learned that setting boundaries not to overextend self comes first. Saying no to requests that are overwhelming and delegating tasks to others when possible is vital.
Acknowledging that it is simply impossible to please everyone all of the time, saves one from disappointment and resentment.
While it is important to be assertive and communicate needs, learning to prioritise time and energy along with turning down unreasonable requests is a healthy choice.
Similarly, the fear of hurting someone's feelings or causing them harm by revealing the truth can lead to a cycle of secrecy and deception within families. However, it is important to remember that everyone is responsible for their own emotions and reactions.
We must break free from this self-imposed restraint. Our duty is not to alter the truth to fit someone else's preferred version of reality. Instead, we should encourage open and honest communication, even if it means confronting difficult situations or uncomfortable truths.
PUBLISHED ON
Oct 07,2023 [ VOL
24 , NO
1223]
Editorial | May 27,2023
Fortune News | Feb 13,2021
News Analysis | Aug 21,2021
Featured | Jun 15,2025
Fortune News | Apr 23,2025
Radar |
Radar | Sep 27,2025
Commentaries | Apr 24,2021
Fortune News | Apr 27,2025
Viewpoints | Jun 29,2024
Photo Gallery | 172876 Views | May 06,2019
Photo Gallery | 163104 Views | Apr 26,2019
Photo Gallery | 152974 Views | Oct 06,2021
My Opinion | 136421 Views | Aug 14,2021
Dec 22 , 2024 . By TIZITA SHEWAFERAW
Charged with transforming colossal state-owned enterprises into modern and competitiv...
Aug 18 , 2024 . By AKSAH ITALO
Although predictable Yonas Zerihun's job in the ride-hailing service is not immune to...
Jul 28 , 2024 . By TIZITA SHEWAFERAW
Unhabitual, perhaps too many, Samuel Gebreyohannes, 38, used to occasionally enjoy a couple of beers at breakfast. However, he recently swit...
Jul 13 , 2024 . By AKSAH ITALO
Investors who rely on tractors, trucks, and field vehicles for commuting, transporting commodities, and f...
Oct 4 , 2025
Eyob Tekalegn (PhD) had been in the Governor's chair for only weeks when, on Septembe...
Sep 27 , 2025
Four years into an experiment with “shock therapy” in education, the national moo...
Sep 20 , 2025
Getachew Reda's return to the national stage was always going to stir attention. Once...
Sep 13 , 2025
At its launch in Nairobi two years ago, the Africa Climate Summit was billed as the f...
Oct 5 , 2025 . By NAHOM AYELE
In Meqelle, a name long associated with industrial grit and regional pride is undergo...
Oct 5 , 2025 . By BEZAWIT HULUAGER
The federal government is set to roll out a new "motor vehicle circulation tax" in th...
Oct 5 , 2025 . By NAHOM AYELE
The Bank of Abyssinia is wrestling with the loss of a prime plot of land once leased...
Oct 5 , 2025 . By BEZAWIT HULUAGER
The Customs Commission has introduced new tariffs on a wide range of imported goods i...