Discovering Identity Beyond Professional World

Aug 10 , 2024
By Eden Sahle

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One of the frequent questions I get asked as a mother—mostly by women—is when I will return to full-time work.

People express concern when they see me fully immersed in motherhood. They worry that it has altered the life I once had, reminding me of the rewarding job that allowed me to travel. Some caution that staying home to raise my child might somehow diminish my value as a person, wife, and mother. Bits of advice on getting a nanny and moving on with my life came from different individuals. For them, compromising on my child’s care over my needs is not selfish. While acknowledging that my daughter might not receive the same level of care, they believe I should continue working in the profession I love.

To these people, it seems that my daughter needs a working mother to look up to more than a mother who is always available. It is easy for them to overlook the sacrifices mothers make to instil their values and care standards in their children. These comments made me reflect on how some people perceive self-worth. For them, professional value takes precedence over other roles. They assume that my value lies solely in my role as a corporate lawyer, overlooking my worth as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend. It is not just that they believe my infant would be better off cared for by others; they think my value is tied to my full-time presence in the workforce.

Thankfully, my late father taught me the importance of investing in and identifying with every role in life. He advised me not to pour all my identity, time, and effort into just making money. His reasoning was simple: when I step away from my career for any reason, I would not lose my entire sense of self. My father educated me on the value of diversifying identity. He taught me that by investing across different areas of life, we ensure that when one aspect changes, we do not feel empty.

We all choose what is important to us and how we measure success and self-worth. Many people equate professional success, education, or wealth with personal contentment. Whatever we choose, it gives us the validation to feel good about ourselves, becoming part of our identity. Our upbringing and the validation we receive in childhood shape how we value ourselves in adulthood. However, social pressure can push us to over-identify with a single aspect of our identity, drowning out other areas of our lives. When we forsake all else, we risk depression and a sense of loss.

My journey to diversifying my identity was not easy. There were times when the thought of losing my job terrified me. I spent a lot of time worrying about losing my well-paying international position. However, my father’s wisdom on the importance of nurturing family relationships has been invaluable. When my career took a pause, I did not allow my self-worth to go with it because it is not the only aspect that defines me. My husband has also been supportive and grateful for my decision.

It is a vital life skill to diversify activities without placing self-worth in a single endeavour. When we invest all our identity in one area, we put our self-esteem and emotional well-being at greater risk. This perspective has allowed me to maintain a balance with other important areas of my life, such as my family and spiritual well-being.

I have read that athletes and retirees struggle with identity loss once they step away from what they have dedicated their lives to. Many fall into chronic depression after retirement because they cannot let go of their professional identity. Sometimes, I miss working and arriving at the office early in the morning. But what has helped me cope emotionally are the paediatricians’ recommendations that a mother should be with her child to prevent separation anxiety and the behavioural problems that can arise from early separation.

Investing ourselves in a wide range of activities protects us from stress and feelings of inadequacy. Expanding our horizons beyond work allows us to extend grace to ourselves when we take on the noble responsibility of raising the next generation.

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PUBLISHED ON Aug 10,2024 [ VOL 25 , NO 1267]

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