The Endless Quest for Control

Jan 14 , 2023
By Kidist Yidnekachew

I have had the chance to discourse with my psychologist friends, who told me about their experience with many clients with anxiety and other related psychological problems. During their sessions, most discovered that the need to control everything and everyone seemed to be the significant cause of their stress and anxiety. Usually, these people tend to be perfectionists who are ruthless self-critics and leave no room for mistakes.

Control is an illusion that can never be achieved.

One of the hardest things in life is perhaps letting go, but it is also one of the most liberating things a person can do. When we let go of our control, we also let go of expectations and fears, allowing us to accept the fact and be open to the surrounding factors. But fighting to stay on top of things at all times is mentally and physically draining.

This may be subtle for those with a perfectionist nature, as others with a laid-back mentality might not understand the struggle. I know this because I am obsessed with controlling myself.

There are only a few things we have proper control over. It is essential to know that some things are beyond us.

The curse that goes hand in hand with control obsession is being a perfectionist. It is a habit of the mind that tells people the need to be perfect is vital, a paralysing force that keeps away from reaching goals. This mindset prevents people from taking risks, trying new things, and enjoying the process of learning.

Perfectionism can also lead to depression and anxiety. People constantly striving for perfection are often disappointed when they do not meet their high standards. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and frustration. The challenges of coping with such feelings lead to further negative consequences.

The burden of control allows unwanted emotions and experiences to take over. However, letting go helps to find freedom and happiness with fulfillment.

The freedom that comes with letting go and not being perfect is immense. It allows people to be themselves and experiment without fear of failure. It enables them to take risks and learn new things while promoting creativity and innovation. The freedom it provides is invaluable and worth the effort it takes to change this state of mind.

When it comes to personal growth, a person can let go of the power of control. Too often, we try to micromanage each detail of our lives by ourselves which can be counterproductive, leading to anxiety and stress. Instead, we should learn to trust our instincts and allow ourselves to be open to new experiences. It seems to ease the pressure that comes with uncertainty while not being in control.

Having faith that everything happens for a reason eventually works and makes a difference. Practicing meditation is also one method that teaches how to let go of things. This practice allows us to focus on our thoughts and emotions without interference from outside forces.

Focusing on our thoughts and feelings can help us understand why we feel the way we do and us accept ourselves for who we are rather than trying to conform to someone else's expectations.

PUBLISHED ON Jan 14,2023 [ VOL 23 , NO 1185]

Kidist Yidnekachew is interested in art, human nature and behaviour. She has studied psychology, journalism and communications and can be reached at (

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