Familiarity Breeds Contempt

Oct 14 , 2023
By Kidist Yidnekachew

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There is an elderly lady around my residence who longs for attention from her child. Despite having a housekeeper who helps with the chores, she often asks her son to spend time with her.

The guy is known as Mister Nice Guy around the neighbourhood. He is a well-mannered and educated person usually present at social gatherings and community events. Sadly, while he is preoccupied with saving face in front of others, he seems to be overlooking his own mother's needs.

It got me thinking about how some people go above and beyond for acquaintances over family. Perhaps with familiarity comes contempt, as it is not merely sharing the rosy roads but passing through the hard times together where patience is put to the test.

Till death do us part, right? That is an arduous promise to keep.

One can never truly know someone unless they live with them; even then, they only see what is allowed. This was endured over the lockdown phase of the Covid-19 pandemic, where the divorce rate has increased. I came across data where the United Kingdom's largest family law firm reported a 95pc increase in divorce inquiries during the period.

But it is no secret that once the excitement of it is worn out, every relationship is left to face the music head-on.

I recall a woman who adored babysitting her neighbour's child while the mother was at work. Spending time with the baby was leisure at first. As time went on and it became a frequent occurrence, she began feeling irritated by trivial matters and questions she gladly responded to before turning unpleasantly inquisitive.

She confided in me that she turned hostile and apathetic towards the child. The woman who once judged the mother for raising her voice found herself doing the same.

I believe the mantra should be to extend kindness before flaunting our goodness. But it begins from home. Although it does not imply endorsing boorish behaviour, family should always be a top priority.

Discerning when to support or confront family is important. Even when disagreeing with members, maintaining a respectful relationship by remaining calm and collected ensures a constructive dialogue.

Individuals should be fair and stand for the truth, even if it means not siding with their loved ones.

Tolerating unpleasant situations would not only set a poor example but also undermine integrity and credibility. It can erode trust and damage relationships with others, who may see the individual as incapable of defending what is right.

It sends a message that bad behaviour can pass, especially for children who are still on the lower curve of growth. It impedes learning and may prevent them from seeing the world from diverse viewpoints and learning from their mistakes.

Even when disagreeing with family members, it is possible to maintain a respectful relationship by remaining calm and collected. Getting emotional can make it difficult to have a constructive dialogue.

It is necessary to be specific about the disagreement to avoid broad generalisations or personal attacks and be willing to listen to their point of view to be empathetic. It is important to discern when to support and when to confront family. Unless in the case of being bullied or discriminated against, it is crucial to speak up for them.

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PUBLISHED ON Oct 14,2023 [ VOL 24 , NO 1224]

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