
Viewpoints | Feb 20,2021
Jul 1 , 2023
By Carolyn Kissane
The other day, I received an emotional phone call from my friend who was feeling guilty over the way she treats her stepdaughter.
It was clear that she favours her biological children and could not bring herself to connect with the girl on an emotional level. Taking care of an additional child as she was getting the grasp of motherhood herself made her feel like it was a responsibility imposed on her.
My friend admitted to having found it easier to be nice to strangers than her stepdaughter. She envied mothers that were capable of giving unconditional love beyond their own offspring.
She tries to make up for the cold shoulder by providing material needs but feels guilty realising that being a guardian for a child was a major role that should not be taken lightly.
It is a crucial time when children develop their characteristics, which might affect how they react to the world as they grow old.
Despite being aware of all these, she could not find it within herself to connect with the child.
There are those kinds of days when children test patience to the limit. The girl is no exception; she is a child and acts like one.
However, my friend seems to be harsher with her compared to the others while trying to maintain order.
With all the villain stepmother stories we grew up listening to, there my friend was acting centre stage. As the saying goes, all villains were heroes at one point in time.
It was a long conversation, which needed my understanding rather than judging.
Through the phone conversation, I realised that there are always two sides to the story.
Remember the stepmother whose sole purpose is to make her stepchildren’s lives miserable?
Yes, the one who is often judged with no mercy?
Her side of the story is never mentioned. She is not born out of thin air nor plan on becoming bad. Tending to everyone with limited resources exacerbates the burden and the emotional rollercoaster stepmothers go through.
When life throws in a challenge, some overcome the temptations to abuse their power while others give in and act on their emotions. While this does not give a pass to being abusive, a line to never be crossed, the cause should be examined rather than the mere effect.
I told my friend that feeling guilty is a sign that she is aware of herself. The first rule is to be fair and do no harm.
Mistreating the stepdaughter is unacceptable; we agreed that she treats her with the same respect as she would anyone instead of forcing a non-existent love equivalent to her own children.
The next step was to work on herself. People that have not filled their glasses cannot pour some into the next person without emptying theirs. Working on self-love and emotional intelligence goes a long way in how we treat others.
Not everyone is meant to take care of others. Some mothers manage to treat all children equally while others have favourites among their biological children. Meanwhile, there are people who run orphanages and take care of children that are not theirs immaculately. But I believe that it is unrealistic to expect perfection from women to connect with everyone the same.
PUBLISHED ON
Jul 01,2023 [ VOL
24 , NO
1209]
Viewpoints | Feb 20,2021
Verbatim | Apr 09,2022
Fortune News | May 18,2019
Fortune News | Jul 11,2021
Verbatim | Mar 27,2021
Life Matters | Nov 30,2019
Editorial | Dec 29,2018
Fortune News | Nov 30,2019
Fortune News | Feb 11,2023
Year In Review | Jan 02,2024
My Opinion | 123310 Views | Aug 14,2021
My Opinion | 119461 Views | Aug 21,2021
My Opinion | 117797 Views | Sep 10,2021
My Opinion | 115652 Views | Aug 07,2021
Dec 22 , 2024 . By TIZITA SHEWAFERAW
Charged with transforming colossal state-owned enterprises into modern and competitiv...
Aug 18 , 2024 . By AKSAH ITALO
Although predictable Yonas Zerihun's job in the ride-hailing service is not immune to...
Jul 28 , 2024 . By TIZITA SHEWAFERAW
Unhabitual, perhaps too many, Samuel Gebreyohannes, 38, used to occasionally enjoy a couple of beers at breakfast. However, he recently swit...
Jul 13 , 2024 . By AKSAH ITALO
Investors who rely on tractors, trucks, and field vehicles for commuting, transporting commodities, and f...
Feb 9 , 2025
This week, the African Union's (AU) annual summit in Addis Abeba is set to be more th...
Feb 1 , 2025
Urban renewal is seldom gentle to those on the receiving end of redevelopment. Take s...
Jan 25 , 2025
Grand ambitions have long driven Ethiopia's successive leaders, but they remain weigh...
Jan 18 , 2025
Adanech Abebie, the mayor of Addis Abeba, addressed last week a warm-up session for h...
Feb 9 , 2025 . By ROBERA GETACHEW
The abrupt funding pause of American aid has left the humanitarian world reeling, spa...
Feb 9 , 2025 . By AKSAH ITALO
The Ethiopian Investment Commission is under intense scrutiny after the Federal Audit...
Oromia Bank has elected a new board chairperson following the resignation of Assefa S...
Feb 9 , 2025 . By AKSAH ITALO
The Ethiopian Roads Administration (ERA) has suspended 27 road projects due to securi...