Life Matters | Nov 30,2019
Jun 7 , 2020
By Kidist Yidnekachew
Addiction is a potent danger and often seduces the best of us. Alcohol, a particularly ubiquitous substance, is its own kind of evil.
The most peculiar alcoholic I know of is my friend’s mom. Whenever I used to go to their house when I was young, I would be mystified at how fast her moods changed, as if she had some kind of bipolar disorder.
Later, my friend confided in me that her mother has a drinking problem. She said she has been doing everything she could to help her quit drinking but to no avail. The reason for her drinking, it is believed, has to do with her husband, who was not physically and emotionally available for the family.
He was often away for work, and whenever he was around, he barely spent time with his family. They finally got divorced, but she kept the habit around.
Despite this, the mother is a sweet and kind lady. I thought talking to her nicely about the problem would somehow help her, but my friend told me that she had tried it that way before, and it did not work. She had also scolded her and demanded she stop and gave her an ultimatum that she would move out of the house if she does not stop drinking. That too did not work, and life drudged on as it always did.
But a few days ago, I received a call from my friend saying that her mother’s drinking problem had worsened and that she had been found passed out in the kitchen. She asked me to try and talk some sense into her since she had always liked me.
If she does not stop for the sake of her daughter, why would she do it for me?
But it was worth a try. She is a nice enough lady, even when she is drunk, and she becomes slow and slurs her words when she talks and has a hard time staying awake.
At my friend's house, I found the mother laying on the sofa and gazing blankly at the TV. She seemed drunk at first, but she was just lost in thought. She greeted me warmly and asked me to sit next to her. We conversed for a while before she went into the topic.
"I know my daughter hates me,” she said, “but I just don't know how to stop it."
I reminded her that she was able to do it once before, having stopped drinking for several years. But she explained that she was under different circumstances. She had gone to another country and had stopped drinking cold turkey. But then she had to come back to Ethiopia, and somehow she fell back into the habit.
There was also another time when she was able to stop drinking for almost a month. She had run out of money and, at first, she thought she was going to lose it, but she managed to keep herself sane and busy with household chores. She became a compulsive cleaner. But soon, her income improved, and she fell off the wagon.
"I guess money is the source of all evil," she said teasingly.
It was almost impossible not to sympathise with her.
“It’s not like I plan to get drunk and disappoint my daughter each day,” she told me crying. “I just happen to find myself with a bottle every day, and the next thing I know I am drunk."
Now that everyone is forced to stay home as much as possible, confronting an addiction to alcohol is much harder because of the psychological stress created by spending too much time in the same environment.
I suggested she at least reduce the amount she drinks or ease herself into softer liquor. That apparently was naïve of me, because she did not believe it was something she had control over. It is a much more serious addiction. Professional help or rehab was also out of the question. She did not have the money for that.
I left her house without being of any help. Addictions destroy the lives of individuals and their families. It is a disease and not something they have control over as much as the rest of us would like to think. The least we can do is listen to them and empathise.
PUBLISHED ON
Jun 07,2020 [ VOL
21 , NO
1050]
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