New Mothers Should Heal, Not Host

Apr 10 , 2026
By Kidist Yidnekachew

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A visit to a new mother reveals a troubling norm, women are expected to host, serve, and perform hospitality just days after giving birth. What is framed as tradition is, in practice, a quiet but heavy pressure that puts social expectations above recovery, exposing the need to rethink what care truly looks like.

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I’m not trying to be anti-culture or disrespectful to our roots, but we need an honest conversation: some of our traditions just don’t fit modern life anymore. Life is already complicated enough; why are we making it harder on ourselves by clinging to expectations that drain us?

I recently went to visit a close friend who just had a baby. It had only been a few days since she’d been discharged from the hospital. Honestly, I wanted to wait at least a week to give her space to breathe, but she insisted I come over since I live nearby.

When I walked in, I was honestly stressed for her. She was barely out of the hospital, yet there she was, on her feet, giving directions and trying to host. I kept telling her, “Please, just chill. I’m not a guest, I don’t need anything, and I’m perfectly fine sitting here on my own.” But she wouldn’t hear it. She insisted on coffee.

Because her mom and the maid were busy in the kitchen with other chores, she actually started roasting the beans herself. I kept protesting, but she said it was “tradition” and that the house had to smell like coffee. I looked at her and said, “If this were me, you wouldn’t find me anywhere near a coffee jebena or a bowl of Genfo.”

Don’t get me wrong, if there is a dedicated person to handle the hosting, that’s fine. But I refuse to be the one serving others when I’ve just come out of major surgery or a grueling labor. The burden shouldn’t be on the new mother; it should be on the guests to lower their expectations.

When I had my own children, I didn’t make Genfo for anyone. If people came by, I offered water or whatever food was already made. They came, they saw the baby, and they left. They didn’t expect a feast, and I didn’t feel the need to perform one.

The problem is social pressure. I felt terrible because if my friend felt pressured to serve me, knowing I don’t care about those formalities, imagine the stress she feels when older, more traditional family members walk through the door.

Honestly, I wouldn’t mind if people didn’t visit at all for the first month. I know everyone is excited to share the good news, but that “excitement” often forces new mothers to sit up and entertain for hours when they should be sleeping or healing.

My friend’s sister told me a story about how she was forced to get up and stir Genfo for guests herself right after giving birth, even though her back was killing her and she had a splitting headache. Why do we prioritise the comfort of the visitor over the health of the mother? We give too much energy to “what people will think” and completely neglect our own basic needs in the process.

And don’t even get me started on some of the husbands. I’ve heard of men who still expect their wives to get up and fix them breakfast before they head to work, even if there isn’t a maid around to help.

To those men: fix your own breakfast. You will survive making a sandwich or scrambled eggs for a few weeks. It is beyond selfish to complain about “not eating well” because your wife isn’t cooking, while she is literally recovering from birth and staying up all night feeding a newborn. She needs a break, and you can handle a little “discomfort” while she heals. If anything, you were supposed to help her out.

Our society pampers men to the point where basic life skills, like cooking for yourself or cleaning up after yourself, are treated as “women’s work.” That mindset has to go, especially during the postpartum period.

At the end of the day, our culture is beautiful because of its hospitality, but hospitality should never come at the expense of someone’s health. We need to stop judging women who choose to rest instead of roast coffee. We need to stop expecting new mothers to be “superwomen” who can entertain a house full of people two days after surgery.

Let’s start being the kind of guests who bring food rather than expecting to be fed. And husbands, be the kind of spouses who step up so your wives can actually lie down. Tradition should be a source of comfort, not a source of exhaustion.

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PUBLISHED ON Apr 10,2026 [ VOL 27 , NO 1354]

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