The Power of Staying Unexplainable

Oct 11 , 2025
By Eden Sahle

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In an age of social media performance, the self has become a brand, one constantly reviewed, rated, and reinterpreted. But those perceptions are projections, not facts. Psychology defines this as the projection bias, where people interpret others through the lens of their own insecurities. The cure is radical authenticity: valuing presence over perception, and peace over approval.

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There’s a version of us that lives in our parents’ minds, the child they raised, frozen in time no matter how old we get. Another version exists with our friends, the one who laughs at their jokes and keeps their secrets. Then there’s the version our coworkers know: polished, composed, and conveniently stripped of chaos.

The truth is, everyone we know carries a private version of us. And none of those portraits are entirely accurate.

We spend an astonishing amount of time trying to manage these perceptions. We soften our tone so we don’t seem harsh. We over-explain to appear thoughtful. We replay conversations in our heads, hoping we didn’t sound detached or defensive. Yet, despite all that effort, misunderstanding remains a stubborn companion.

Someone will always take silence as arrogance, confidence as conceit, or kindness as naivety.

A friend recently confessed how exhausting it feels to be misunderstood. As he tries to rebuild his life, people’s assumptions about his choices, his job, his marriage, even his hobbies — weigh heavier than his actual challenges. His experience mirrors what many of us know too well: the futility of trying to control how others see us.

People’s perceptions are less about us and more about them, shaped by their biases, wounds, and expectations. You could be as clear as daylight, and still, someone will choose to see fog.

Think of the times a brief text was mistaken for anger, or a polite decline for disinterest. One candid comment can earn you the label “difficult.” The pattern is absurdly predictable, and deeply human.

In trying to fit others’ expectations, we stretch ourselves thin. We perform versions of who we think we should be: agreeable at work, lively with friends, polished online. Over time, the gap between who we are and who people think we are becomes exhausting.

We juggle identities we never signed up for, all in pursuit of harmony and approval. But even our most careful performance can’t guarantee understanding. People will still believe what they want to believe.

Because, in their stories, we’re not the protagonist, we’re a side character, interpreted through their plot. To one person, we’re the villain who disappointed them. To another, we’re the hero who saved the day. And to someone else entirely, we’re just background noise.

Their stories are not the truth.

The version of us that lives in our own awareness, the one who knows our intentions, regrets, and heart, is the only version that matters. That’s where peace begins: when we stop auditioning for everyone else’s approval.

Social media complicates this further. Once, we performed for small circles, family, friends, colleagues. Now, we perform for invisible crowds. Every post becomes an invitation for judgment. Write something kind, you’re accused of virtue signaling. Share something honest, you’re “oversharing.” Stay silent, and you’re “cold.”

It’s a rigged game with shifting rules.

The endless feedback loop of likes and comments tempts us to curate our identities, to be “understood” by as many as possible. But in that chase, we lose touch with the person who doesn’t need an audience to exist.

Being misunderstood hurts, but peace doesn’t come from correcting every wrong impression. It comes from recognising that those impressions were never ours to control in the first place.

Psychologists call this social perception the brain’s shortcut to make sense of people. But shortcuts come with bias: confirmation bias makes others interpret our actions to fit their beliefs; the halo effect idealises us; the horn effect vilifies us.

When someone “decides” who we are, it’s rarely about fact. It’s about projection.

Understanding that frees us. Judgment stops feeling like a mirror and starts looking like a reflection of someone else’s insecurities or assumptions.

Imagine the relief of no longer managing our reputation in every room. That energy could be redirected toward being decent, honest, and intentional. Not perfect, just present.

When we stop performing, authenticity takes over. Ironically, that’s when the right people begin to see us clearly because we’re finally showing up as ourselves.

Peace isn’t about universal understanding. It’s about being at ease in our own skin, even when misunderstood by most.

There’s quiet power in being unexplainable in knowing that our worth isn’t up for debate, and our truth doesn’t need a translator.

Once we make peace with that, no opinion, good or bad, can shake it.

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PUBLISHED ON Oct 11,2025 [ VOL 26 , NO 1328]

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