Self Prioritisation While Pleasing Others

Dec 10 , 2022
By Kidist Yidnekachew

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I met a young girl at a funeral, and the unfortunate event was a perfect setting to talk about our lives.

She told me about her goals, which are noble and beautiful. Sparing the details, she talked about her wish to influence people around her. Minutes passed, and her mood suddenly changed before she went silent. I asked her what was bothering her, seeing that her expression had also changed. She frowned, worried the people in her neighbourhood would treat her differently based on her decision.

I once saw this video that talks about the stages of life. What matters the most is self-assessment and not what others think. Everyone gets forgotten after some time, although leaving a legacy and accomplishing something positive that passes generations are possible.

I am referring to the passion people did not pursue because they did not get approval from their parents at a young age or thought it would be unpopular amongst friends.

The girl's dreams neither harmed nor were against society, but the change meant not making other people happy. She was unsure if she should pursue it.

I asked her how her decision would affect her life a year from now. She replied that it would have a tremendous positive impact and make her a better individual. Then I continued if the people around her were still bothered by it after a year. She said they might not, but some might not let go of it. I advised her to put the impact on one side and their opinions on the other and weigh to see which the scale would lean towards. She picked the one I expected—the incredible impact.

She nodded as I explained that her neighbours would probably forget about the decision in a month, and she would start living her dreams. I am unsure if she would take my advice and pursue her dreams, but she seemed convinced.

Our encounter left me thinking about the value we give to others' opinions more than ours.

I recently realised, probably for the millionth time, how life is short. What is more tragic than the time span is how we spend most of it, with some dedicating their lives to the pleasure of others. Living for others is the best thing that could happen, but it is not the same as living for everyone.

Sometimes, people put aside their needs and strive to fulfil others' interests resulting in a sacrifice. It translates into becoming a people pleaser whose mere existence revolves around pleasing others. A people pleaser lives to get approval and positive feedback from others without even thinking about it.

Situations might force us to change behaviour and fit into a particular social norm. A specific act could be unacceptable or shameful, depending on the environment. But nothing is worse than becoming a people pleaser trying to impress others at the cost of self-actualisation.

In many cases, worrying about other people's reactions and thinking about what they would say keeps us from living the life we want. But it should not matter, provided that we feel strongly about ourselves. It would not keep people from forming an opinion about us anyway.

I often wonder if people lived the life they wanted and died. It pains me to learn that others' opinions might have prevented them from pursuing a dream. It is not easy to stop caring about what others think, but self-prioritisation and inner communication should be a priority.

Let us ask ourselves now and then if others' opinions are worth self-redemption and growth.

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PUBLISHED ON Dec 10,2022 [ VOL 23 , NO 1180]

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