Overcoming Emotional Impulses in Decision-Making

Dec 21 , 2024
By Eden Sahle

---

Have you ever made a split-second decision and later wondered, "What was I thinking?" Perhaps it was a reaction to anger, frustration, excitement, or sadness. We have all been there. The heat of the moment can distort reality, leading to choices we later regret.

Our emotions, though valid and deeply human, are not always the wisest guide for making decisions, especially important ones.

Maybe you quit a job after one frustrating day, ended a relationship during a heated argument, or sent a text you wished you could take back. These are common human experiences. When emotions surge, our judgment clouds, and we often act in ways that feel right in the moment but seem irrational once the dust settles.

I recently spoke to a woman who shared her regret over ending her marriage nearly ten years ago. A few years into their marriage, with two children, her husband drained a big portion of their savings without consulting her. The money was meant to buy a house for their family. His friendship with wealthy individuals had driven him to compete, spending their savings on fleeting luxuries. Some of it also went to cover his father's medical treatment abroad.

When she discovered this, her emotions, anger, confusion, and hurt, overwhelmed her. In her pain, she walked away from the father of her children. Looking back, she realizes the breakup could have been avoided if she had taken the time to pause before deciding.

Her family and friends didn’t help; they supported her decision instead of encouraging reconciliation. Her husband's remorse and repeated apologies went unacknowledged. While she later accepted that his decision to help his sick father was well-intentioned, she couldn’t forgive his reckless spending to impress wealthy friends. In her anger, she tarnished his reputation and said things she didn’t mean, actions she now deeply regrets.

By the time her emotions subsided, it was already too late. When she realized that decisions made with patience and consideration would better align with her values, family goals, and the bigger picture, her husband was far gone. He chose to cope with the grief of losing his family through alcohol and drugs.

Although they never divorced, they remained separated. She became a single, sober parent while her husband struggled with addictions that further fractured his relationship with her and their young children. Despite everything, she still loved her husband and believes that many of their issues could have been resolved with patience, communication, and time.

Emotions are a double-edged sword. They are essential in helping us understand what we value, who we love, and when we’re hurt. However, emotions are also temporary. The intensity we feel in the moment can cloud our judgment, making the immediate feeling seem far more important than it truly is.

When decisions are made purely based on emotions, we often react rather than respond. Reacting is impulsive; it happens when we speak without thinking or act without clarity. Responding, on the other hand, is intentional, involving reflection and understanding.

Moreover, emotions like anger, fear, or sadness can distort reality. A disagreement with a spouse or loved one might suddenly feel like the end of the relationship. A mistake at work might feel like the end of a career.

Ignoring long-term consequences, decisions made in an emotional haze often prioritize immediate relief or satisfaction over the bigger picture. While it might feel good in the moment, such actions can damage relationships and tarnish one’s reputation over time.

Take, for example, the young man I saw lashing out in anger at public servants last week. Frustrated by the lack of speedy service, he lost control and began bad-mouthing the employees, alarming everyone else in the queue. Security forces eventually escorted him out. His immediate regret was evident in his face and his apologetic words once he calmed down and regained perspective, allowing clearer thinking to return.

Pausing, though seemingly simple, is transformative. When we pause before speaking or acting, we create space for the initial surge of emotion to subside, allowing logic, wisdom, and intuition to guide our response.

The popular “ten-second rule” is a mindfulness practice designed to encourage thoughtful, intentional communication. It involves pausing for ten seconds before responding in a conversation or reacting emotionally. This brief pause provides time to process thoughts and ensures that the response is both unharmful and relevant.

This habit helps avoid speaking out of anger, frustration, or defensiveness and promotes consideration of the other person’s perspective. It has been proven to improve relationships, prevent misunderstandings, and foster respectful dialogue. Though it may feel unnatural at first, with practice, this pause becomes a powerful tool for cultivating better communication and emotional self-regulation.

Pausing doesn’t mean ignoring emotions; it means acknowledging them without letting them dictate our actions.

Sometimes, sharing our thoughts with a family member, trusted friend, or mentor can help us manage emotions better. They can offer an outside perspective, helping us see perspectives we might have missed in the fog of emotion.

Similarly, giving things time, even just a day, can dramatically change how we feel and think about a situation. This approach is not reserved for life’s biggest decisions; it applies to daily interactions as well.

Life is full of moments where emotions can run high. While it is natural to feel deeply, it is important to remember that our emotions do not always have the final say. By pausing, reflecting, and letting peace guide us, we can make decisions that honor who we are and what we value.

Decisions made in moments of anger, fear, or sadness are rarely our best ones. When we slow down and allow the storm of emotions to settle, we create space for wisdom, clarity, and choices that stand the test of time.

---

PUBLISHED ON Dec 21,2024 [ VOL 25 , NO 1286]

---