My Opinion | Jan 15,2022
Dec 26 , 2020
By Kidist Yidnekachew
At some point in our lives, most of us have gotten angry, lost our cool and have taken it out on someone who probably did not deserve it. This is misdirected or misplaced anger, and it usually afflicts people who are under a lot of stress. Last week, I was the target of one person under a similar condition.
It was when I was taking a walk with a friend, giggling excitedly on the road. We were caught up in a conversation when my friend mindlessly flung a piece of a gum wrapper. It was meant to be for the trash. It instead landed on a turquoise Toyota sedan.
Suddenly, we heard a horn honking and someone screaming. The owner of the car came out of nowhere, ready to start a fight.
"How dare you throw trash on my car? That's disrespectful. Who do you think you are?" he screamed.
My friend confusedly explained how she meant to put the piece of paper in the trash but how she had missed. She offered to pick it up and throw it in the trash.
"I saw you laughing at me as well,” he continued. “Were you making fun of me? "He was in full-blown argument mode.
We decided to try again and explain our position. Chiming in, I went on about how we were caught up in a conversation and did not realise where the small piece of wrapping paper would land. I tried to assure him that we did not mean harm.
"You see, we haven't seen each other in a long time and had to do a lot of catching up,” I said in the smoothest tone I could muster. He responded: "I am sick of people like you who think they can do whatever they want and step on people's shoes," he responded.
That triggered me. He was blowing the whole thing out of proportion. I replied that he should not make a big deal out of it. There and then, the guy lost it. We were each turning the emotional dial on one another. It was about to escalate.
Fortunately, a parking attendant who witnessed everything stepped in and explained how it was not deliberate. He somehow managed to calm down the guy. Finally, the man drove away in a fit of rage, giving us a menacing look.
"Don't mind him,” the mediator said. “He was angry even when he stepped out of the car. I overheard him talking on the phone, and he sounded pissed.”
He was arguing with someone about how he was wronged by a person he trusted.
That seemed to explain our bizarre confrontation. It reminded us about the displacement theory course we took in a psychology class. It is a defence mechanism where a person takes out their anger on a less threatening individual instead of the actual person who made them angry.
Like most situations in life, there is an Amharic saying for it: Ayit bebela, dawa temeta. It means to take out once anger on the sack a mouse was in because the mouse that was responsible for eating the food could not be caught.
Displacement theory is at work in most offices that deal with a large mass of people. Secretaries and security guards due to the nature of their jobs happen to easily get angry and take out their anger on the next person that walks in. It is not just these professions though. Most of us, when we have a fight with our spouses or get angry over something that happened in our homes, treat people recklessly with repressed anger and indifference.
Perhaps, nothing beats drivers in this regard.
“When you are behind the wheel, you are in control. That is a reward by itself,” a psychology teacher once said.
Then when we are forced to slow down or stop, we are losing control and, therefore, our reward, the teacher explained. That by itself creates frustration and anger. That is why we see most drivers getting angry at their counterparts in other cars when they try to pass them or get in their way. This partly explains road rage, which is very common, especially at peak hours where there is traffic congestion.
Displacing anger on a secondary target rather than the actual person might seem like a harmless thing we do in our day to day lives. However, when this becomes the typical coping mechanism and a way of dealing with anger, then it causes harm. It produces an unhealthy habit that could lead to abusive behaviour.
We have to observe, reflect on our response, and channel our anger and negative emotions properly. This means finding a healthier way of dealing with our anger using alternatives such as writing and exercising.
PUBLISHED ON
Dec 26,2020 [ VOL
21 , NO
1078]
My Opinion | Jan 15,2022
Verbatim | Mar 21,2020
Verbatim | Oct 27,2024
Verbatim | May 25,2019
Viewpoints | Jul 31,2021
View From Arada | Jan 03,2021
My Opinion | Jun 27,2020
Verbatim | Jul 07,2024
Viewpoints | Oct 16,2021
Life Matters | Jul 03,2021
My Opinion | 115692 Views | Aug 14,2021
My Opinion | 111730 Views | Aug 21,2021
My Opinion | 110675 Views | Sep 10,2021
My Opinion | 108525 Views | Aug 07,2021
Commentaries | Nov 23,2024
My Opinion | Nov 23,2024
Aug 18 , 2024 . By AKSAH ITALO
Although predictable Yonas Zerihun's job in the ride-hailing service is not immune to...
Jul 13 , 2024 . By AKSAH ITALO
Investors who rely on tractors, trucks, and field vehicles for commuting, transportin...
Jul 13 , 2024 . By MUNIR SHEMSU
The cracks in Ethiopia's higher education system were laid bare during a synthesis re...
Jul 13 , 2024 . By AKSAH ITALO
Construction authorities have unveiled a price adjustment implementation manual for s...
Nov 23 , 2024
The fiscal puzzle deepens as the Council of Ministers approved a supplementary budget...
Nov 16 , 2024
In the realm of public finance, balance sheets speak louder than rhetoric. In such do...
Nov 9 , 2024
Ethiopia's foreign exchange debacle resembles a tangled web of contradictions and con...
Nov 2 , 2024
Addis Abeba, fondly dubbed a 'New Flower,' is wilting under the weight of unchecked u...
Nov 24 , 2024
Business owners in Mercato were reeling from a crackdown on tax compliance that has disrupted the heart of the capital's commerce. Tax autho...
Nov 24 , 2024 . By AKSAH ITALO
The federal government is to establish a Merit & Wage Board, chaired by the Prime Minister, to overse...
Nov 24 , 2024 . By BEZAWIT HULUAGER
Months after the Institute of Ethiopian Standards introduced benchmarks for electric vehicle (EV) battery...
Nov 24 , 2024 . By AKSAH ITALO
The third day of land auctions in Addis Abeba saw one of the lowest participation rates, with many sites...