I am lucky enough to have grown up in a happy home, but, more importantly, in a household that did not think divorce was unimaginable. I was taught that if one is in a miserable relationship, there is no point in staying with that person to raise children.

In most instances, it is the women who suffer most in societies that consider divorce to be taboo. Many stay with abusive partners, tied together by financial constraints, or social constructs that dictate it would be better for the woman to suffer rather than leave. In many instances, elders are involved in the process of reconciliation, yet the outcome is always the same. The man is asked to change his behavior and the woman is encouraged to be patient.

Many women endure troubled marriages out of fear that they would lose the financial means to raise their children. At a recent wedding ceremony, the priest addressed this exact problem. He said that women must be financially independent if the modern marriage is to be truly successful. This type of sermon is a rare and refreshing challenge to our patriarchal system.

Our culture seems to make even the most capable people feel desperate to achieve social milestones. Marriage and children should not be seen as prerequisites for adulthood. When treated as absolute necessities, these impressive accomplishments become threats to our civilisation’s progress. Unhappy adults tend to raise maladjusted children who grow up to become burdens to society.

Some of the leading reasons for suicide in Ethiopia include being single and not having a child after marriage, says Dereje Aseffa (MD), team leader of the Mental Health Program at the Ministry of Health, who recently sat for an interview with Addis Zemen,the state Amharic daily. Every year 8,000 Ethiopians commit suicide.

Our society is moving into the modern world with a value system that it should no longer defend. Marriage and having children should be a choice for every individual. If we continue to believe that we must have these things in order to be whole, we will waste our society's potential.

Individual choice is not a priority of our culture. It is merely tolerated. The only choices celebrated are those that work to conform towards accepted norms. I am now at an age that many of the people that I have known growing up are getting married and having children.

While some of these unions have been inspiring, I have also sat with brides and grooms that confess they have made this work only because they decided to conform to the demands of society.